


Wrap Me in Your Warmth

by everylosttouch



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Aftercare, Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Graphic Violence, POV Alec, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Supportive Magnus Bane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 19:14:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16024229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everylosttouch/pseuds/everylosttouch
Summary: Alec has always had a bit of trouble keeping himself clean. He never meant for Magnus to find out about it.





	Wrap Me in Your Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> Preemptive warning: referenced/implied self harm. Nothing too graphic and nothing more than what the show portrays, but please be careful. Much love <3

Alec wasn’t really expecting to get to this point. Then again, he never really expected to get here in the first place.

Perhaps it wasn’t the best way to cope with things, to bottle them up and hold them so tightly until he explodes. He had always been told it wasn’t healthy, and though he tried to listen, it never worked. It just kept building and building and building—

And now here he finds himself once more, clinging to that familiar, empty feeling as he sits silently on the blinding white tiles of the bathroom floor. There’s been another explosion in his chest, in his mind, like a dam breaking. It flooded all in an instant, blinding and disorienting and—

And before he knew it, a year—three hundred and sixty-five days of progress—had turned back down to 0.

His eyes are heavy, burning with the tears he couldn’t control. His arm hurts, but it’s a dull ache. He’s not really focused on it anymore, not on the pain swirling from the wound. No, his mind is elsewhere, floating against the sudden calm, white noise that—

The door to the bathroom open suddenly, and there’s a sharp gasp of breath. Alec tenses, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to curl up and blend into the cream tile. However, the contrast of red against the white does nothing to hide him.  

_He wasn’t expecting Magnus home so soon._

His eyes remain closed. He fears that if he opens them, he may never forget the distraught look adorning his boyfriend’s face. He couldn’t face that, that guilt and sorrow and regret. It’d only make him feel worse.

“ _Oh Alexander,_ ” Magnus breathes out. Alec can hear the tears that thicken his voice as he bends down to Alec’s level. For a moment it’s quiet, there’s nothing but Magnus’ shaky inhales that prove that he is there with Alec. There’s no movement or words, and despite his best efforts, Alec finds himself curious to find what Magnus thinks of this, of him.

Of his weakness.

Alec hesitantly opens his eyes, adjusting to the bright tiles reflecting the vanity light. His eyes focus on Magnus, whose gaze is trained on Alec’s arm. His eyes never leave the wound which is still there, still prominent and demanding attention. Magnus lifts a hand slowly, and the touch against him is featherlight, barely there but still enough to ground him. He pulls Alec’s hand forward slightly, encouraging him to stand before the walk over to the sink. Magnus turns the faucet on, letting the water run for a moment before running his hand under it, cupping it as he gently pours it across the angry lines of Alec’s arm.

Alec seethes, the pain still fresh. But the cold does wonders, cleaning the wound. The water pinkens under them, and it’s a silent process with only the sound of the faucet and the barely-audible splash of water echoing in the room.

By the time the water runs clear again, Magnus is grabbing a towel, patting gently at the skin. His eyes are filled with sadness, perhaps regret or mourning, but all Alec can see is the fact that _he_ is the one that made Magnus sad, that it’s _his_ fault.

Magnus turns, reaching under the counter to grab the first aid kit. He’s quick to turn back, tossing away Alec’s tool of destruction and trading it for a gentle gauze pad. He works the bandages around Alec’s arm carefully, and Alec watches as his shaky fingers slowly secure it in place.

“ _I’m sorry._ ”

It’s the first words either of them has spoken in over 10 minutes. Magnus pauses, looking up from where he’s kept his gaze to look into Alec’s eyes. He must see the heartache, the agony, and regret that Alec feels swirling darkly in his chest, as his shoulders slack and a loving, yet worried expression paints across his softened features. He raises a hand to cup Alec’s jaw.

“ _I should be the one to apologize_ ,” Magnus starts out softly. “I wasn’t here for you, not when you needed me most.” He looks down and finishes wrapping the bandage. “This doesn’t make me love you any less, Alexander,” he confesses. “You are so incredibly strong and amazing, and I know there are days where the demons are hard to keep away.” He clears his throat a bit, blinking quickly to dispel the tears building in his eyes. “We all falter, all struggle. Things like this are never easy, but never forget that you are not alone.” Magnus looks back to him, a small, hopeful smile tugging up at his lips. “I love you, Alexander, so so much. I want you to know that if this feeling ever comes back to you, whether I’m halfway around the world or just in the other room, if you need me, I’ll come running.”

He gives another small smile, squeezing gently at Alec’s fingers and Alec closes his eyes once more, reveling in the warmth of Magnus’ smile and his words. There’s hope in them, and Alec clings to it. He squeezes Magnus’ hand slightly.

It’s always a slow process, and it’s one he has to take one day at a time. If he reaches out, he knows Magnus will be there.

And that gives him hope for the future.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @biconicmagnusbane


End file.
